First movie review: "This Is Spinal Tap"

Picture this: a movie about a 1980s hair metal band that never existed.  It hits on every hair metal band stereotype:  the sex, drugs, costumes, ridiculous stage props, the makeup, things they put in their pants to enlarge themselves, out of control guitar solos, etc etc.  Now picture that it's filmed in the style of one of those bad TV rockumentaries, with the camera following the bands every single move both onstage and backstage, and camera angles that always seem to be too zoomed in and really poorly focused.  Now picture that the members of this band and the crew that's with them are completely clueless and constantly high, and everything that could go wrong does.  Sounds like a hilarious idea for a movie, right?  There's only two major problems:

It's already been made, and I wasn't laughing.  

Now before you obsessed Spinal Tap fans spam me with all kinds of hate mail, just listen to what I have to say.  "This Is Spinal Tap" seemed like it cared too much about making and authentic-looking rockumentary that it almost seems to forget why it was made in the first place:  to make FUN of rockumentaries.

There are absolutely funny moments in "This Is Spinal Tap".  The discussion about how their amps actually go up to 11 was absolutely priceless.  There's also a really funny scene in which the band can't seem to find the stage their supposed to be performing on.  And you can't forget the discussions about how their drummers keep dying in the most ridiculous ways (most notably spontaneous combustion).  But the biggest problem in this movie is that in between these genuinely funny moments we have to watch scene after scene of stuff that looks like it was literally recorded right off of a VH1 documentary about a real band.  We're forced to watch stage performance after stage performance of rock songs that, with a few exceptions, feel like genuine 1980s hair metal songs.  It's like they geared these sections towards an audience who finds VH1 classic as hilarious and well-written as Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  There's scene after scene of them talking about gigs getting cancelled, scene after scene of them just sitting around their dressing room, and interview after interview with the director in which they just talk about how the band got together and how they're really tight.  While it's all very convincing, its not necessarily funny.

What disappointed me even more is the fact that they saved many pretty funny bits for DURING THE CREDITS.  I think I laughed more in the short interviews during the credits than I did while watching the movie (which really isn't saying much).

Maybe I'm being a bit too hard on Spinal Tap.  After all, it was one of the first ever mock rockumentaries.  Maybe it's just that many more movies and TV shows have improved on this concept of a mockumentary, and watching the first of its kind is like trying to amuse yourself with an hour and a half of Pong in 2009.  Whatever the case, watching "This Is Spinal Tap" today certainly made me question why the film was so raved about upon its initial release in 1984.

I give it 2/5 stars.

And I know people out there will disagree with me.  Feel free to voice your opinions under the "Comments" section.

Nine Reasons Why Classic Rock....ROCKS!

Ok so anyone who knows me knows I LOVE Classic Rock.  Here's my top nine reasons why I think Classic Rock (60s, 70s, and 80s mainstream) is the coolest stuff around:

9) MORE HAIR

Seriously, how can you rock out with short hair?  The Beatles started the long hair rock trend, and rock shouldn't be any other way.  When the hair is flying, you know its rocking.

8) Vocal harmonies

No, I'm not talking about when the Jonas Brothers singing at the same time.  I'm talking about true vocal harmony, when different singers from bands sing very different parts that, put together sounds like angels on Earth.  Bands like The Beatles, Kansas, Boston, and Journey were incredible at this.  When there's more than one great singer in the band, its time to hear em.

7) Choose your rock

It seems today that when we choose what type of rock we listen to, there's only two actual choices:  Alternative or Metal.  So I have to choose between some whiny goth punk and bands that sound like all their instruments (including vocal chords) are made out of dying airplane parts?  Where has pop rock gone?  Where has southern rock gone?  Where has lite rock gone?  Where has our choice in listening style gone?   

6)  Power ballads

There was a time when almost every band had its own power ballad.  REO Speedwagon had "Keep On Loving You", Journey had "Open Arms", Kiss had "Beth", Cheap Trick had "The Flame", Styx had "Babe", Boston had "Amanda", Foreigner had "I Want to Know What Love Is" and the list goes on and on and on.  Sure some were cheesy, but they were all catchy and extremely romantic.  Where have these amazing ballads gone?

5)  Guitar Solos

Rock today is missing out on epic face-melting guitar solos, or solos of any kind for that matter.  Don't worry, the singer won't pass out if he stops singing for more than four measures.  Give that guitarist time to show off his awesome skills!  Cause what rock fan doesn't freak out when they hear the last four minutes of "Free Bird" or Van Halen's "Eruption"?

4) The Beatles

These guys practically invented what we know as rock today.  Its impossible to state the impact that this quartet from Britain has had on rock as we know it today.  They popularized the full length album.  And almost every rock subgenre can trace its roots back to one or more specific Beatles songs.  These guys did it all, and even though they were only together for less than ten years, they made such a big impact on popular music that I don't believe we'll stop feeling their effect any time soon.

3) Not just power chords

Too many punk and alternative bands today make a living off playing simple power chords over and over and over and over and over.  Gee that takes all the talent of a first year guitar student. You know you don't HAVE to bar all six strings for the guitar to make a sound right?  Prove to us that you're as awesome as you say you are and let's work the guitar like you mean it!  

2) Classic songs

Classic rock has songs that everybody knows and everybody will know generations from now because of their incredible impact on our lives.  How many people can you find that can't sing a part of "Don't Stop Believing", or couldn't sing the outro of "Hey Jude"?  Who do you know that can't hum the riff of "Smoke on the Water", or sing the chorus of "Sweet Home Alabama"?  These are songs that will go down as classics, and will probably be more well know by future generations than our own national anthem.

1) Legends

There are way too many classic rock legends who have completely changed the way we think about rock:  Jimi Hendrix, Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger, Ozzy Osbourne, Eric Clapton, Steven Tyler, Jimmy Page, David Bowie, Slash, Eddie Van Halen, and Sting are just scratching the surface of the absolutely legendary list of classic rockers who have become household names.  Their influence on music and on society in general make them much more than passing fads, which is why we're still listening to their music all their years later.

And those are just some of the many reasons why I think Classic Rock is the coolest stuff around.  Feel free to comment!