A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an article about my feelings on the legalization of same sex marriage from a very secular perspective. Now I'm going to look at marriage from a much less political perspective. I just finished reading an article by Diocese of Providence Bishop Thomas J. Tobin. In this article, he takes a look at how religious marriages are viewed by our modern secular society. The article can be found here (the rest of this is just going to be my thoughts on the article, so I would read it if I were you):
http://thericatholic.com/news/detail.html?sub_id=2350
I really think that Bishop Tobin brings up some fantastic points about marriage today. Marriage today is a hollow shell of what it was intended to be. Instead of marriage being the start of a fully committed bond between two people, marriage is just seen as an ages-old ceremony that you go through with the person you probably want to live with and have sex with for a long period of time. "Till death do us part" has little to no meaning anymore as the divorce rate in the country, even among religious marriages, is in the 50% ballpark. People do not see marriage for what it truly is: an undying commitment to your spouse, with an emphasis on commitment. It's not a business deal, and it's not a sex permit. It's a commitment that you make to someone in which you promise that you'll always be looking out for nothing but the best for them for the rest of your days. It's a promise that you will help them live out their lives to be the best that they can be. Just as priests take a vocation to their Church, a bride or groom takes a vocation to their spouse.
The first, and I think biggest problem that the Bishop proposes is the fact that a huge number of couples live together and have sexual relations before marriage. This already shows a complete misunderstanding of the marriage vow. I'm sure that somewhere down the line, I'm going to write an article about my views on sex, but for now, I will say that in order to understand the commitment made in marriage, one has to understand that sex is something that should only be done within the boundaries of a commitment as strong as Holy Matrimony. Without the understanding of that, Matrimony has already lost most of its meaning.
The bulk of this article seems to focus on how marriages today on trying to be the Princess's enchanted wedding to Prince Charming. It's a ritual that has lost most of its meaning. It's all about how the wedding looks, and not at all about what it means. There are so many Catholics out there who make their Confirmation simply because they "want to get married in a Church". If that's all you care about in your marriage, than why even bother? Weddings are so full of things that "have to be done". Why does the bride always have to throw the bouquet? Why do the bride and groom HAVE to feed each other with their hands and look like idiots? While I'd argue that these are not bad things in and of themselves, they certainly prevent the wedding to be anything but going through the motions.
One minor thing I will have to disagree with the Bishop on is his paragraph about how he feels that Catholics should only look to Catholics to date. While Catholic to Catholic dating is certainly ideal, I do not feel like it is always necessary. There are great people that can have beliefs that differ from your own. What I believe is important in inter-faith dating/marriage is your ability to accept each other, and to never give up your beliefs just for the other person. A strong commitment to God is always more important than pressure put on you by the person that you're dating or are married to. I understand how having the same faith makes marital decisions much easier, but I think that a person who is committed enough to their faith and an understanding spouse will be able to overcome these obstacles and live out these vocations.
That's all I have to say for now. Let me know what you think!
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